| Photos Of Mum and Dad |
[15 Aug 2009|02:01pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Stop This Train- John Mayer |
] |
My Dad and I at Har Paw Villa.
My dad and mum, also at Har Paw Villa.
My parent's wedding in 1989. Look at the huge traditional wedding cake!
My parents at their wedding with relatives. I reckon it must be the happiest day of their lives.
My parents with my Grandpa, and 2 Aunties
Cutting the huge and big cake!
Where was I when they were getting married? Of course I was not even born yet. And yet when I look at their faces in the photos, I see happiness and pure joy. Sometimes I wish I had enough time to see their happy faces through my own eyes. My childhood memories fails me and I only get glimpses of images. Nonetheless, I need not rely too much on my memory as both of them lives in my heart. That's most important. And knowing that they are in the arms of Jesus and God comforts me and gives me peace- there's no better place than heaven! No more quarrelling, tears, pain, suffering. (Rev. 21:4). How wonderful that is!
How awfully short life is! I learnt to cherish my time because I had experienced sickness and accidents take my loved ones away. It reminds us that whatever we accumulate on earth we don't bring it into heaven- only our souls, and the deeds we have done- good or bad. That hesistation to meet up with a long lost friend or relative or failure to restore strained relationships may bring eventual regrets to us. Do we want to wait till the time when we're on our deathbeds, when it is too late? Personally, I am really really fortunate to spend 2 years with my Dad and seeing him through the last days of his life. It has been a humbling experience for me. As I relive the memories I had with my Dad, I hope you are inspired to make up with the people in your life. Because relationships are worth more than the riches of this world.
|
|
|
[03 Aug 2009|11:25pm] |
Eulogy for Chong Ming dated 2nd August 2009
Introduction
Can the last person at the back hear me? Thanks. As all of you know, I'm going to be a teacher. So if I catch anyone sleeping, please stay back with me after the service. We'll have a 5 minutes chat.
Today, we're here to celebrate the life of Chong Ming. So can everyone please smile? Yah, please smile, if not it would be hard for me to talk.
Before I start, I would like to thank everyone who have helped my father, Chong Ming and I in this journey during the last days of his life.
Thanksgiving
1) Pastor Kee Onn and family, for being there for me; for their gracious arrangements for the funeral- especially with the inconveniences. Words cannot describe how much I thank and owe you all.
2) For everyone who had touched Uncle Chong Ming's life in everyway possible.
i) Simple things really- Like driving him back to the hospice (Assisi Hospice) from Church (Woodlands EFC). I'm really so glad that people are willing to help. As you all know I took cab with my Dad to fetch him back to Church. When people started pouring forward with their help, I was so touched.
ii) Talking to him in Cana Hall and praying for him when he was in Church. Especially my Cell Group. They have been wonderful.
iii) Going out of their way to help us- I thank my church Woodlands Evangelical Free Church, my Army Unit 21SA and Assisi Home and Hospice, for giving him love and care during the last days of his life.
Childhood
Alright, let me start now.
What do you remember of your father when you were young? What are the memories or impressions you have on your father?
My father Chong Ming was a fatherly figure to me- someone I look for comfort and protection.
Every Sunday, I would remember, that he would bring me to MacDonald's for breakfast. He would order for me The Happy Meal, the Cheeseburger without pickles. And of course, the toy! I have alot of toys at home.
He would also bring me to watch movies at the Jurong East Entertainment Centre- yah it is still there. Remember there used to be dinosaurs hanging from the walls? We would watch my favourite movies- The Lion King, 101 Dalmatians and Jurassic Park. Yes Jurassic Park. All boys like to watch it. My father is like the Lion Simba to me.
The Missing Years
However, my impression of him slowly faded throughout the years, as we did not meet for 9 years. Like Barack Obama, who also had an absent father, we thought our fathers were very mysterious to us. Besides the MacDonald's' and the movies, I cannot remember much of him.
Unlike Obama, by the Grace of God, I was able to meet my father in 2007, but the time he was already diagnosed with stage IV Colon Cancer. That was the time though, when I learnt so much from him, and that's when he became a role model to me.
My Role Model
1) Firstly, that was his courage to meet up with a long lost son. We are used to seeing fathers and sons reconciling in Channel 8 dramas, but I would never expect it to happen to myself. Thank God, I was able to forgive and accept him again. However, to think of it, it was harder on his part because he was already so sick and he still mustered the courage to initiate it. I thank God for his courage.
2) My father really is a man of simple needs- as those who had contact with him can testify. In the movie "The Bucket List", Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholsen, when diagnosed with end-stage cancer, went to do all sort of things. They went to climb the Himalayan Mountains, sky diving and even six star hotels. But my father Chong Ming wanted none of these.
I remember when we were staying at East Coast Road, we used to try every food stall along the road. That road is a food paradise. Maybe I inhereited his genes of liking to taste good food!
I tell you I know which Katong Laksa stall is the nicest, Fish Head Curry, Nonya Kueh and even Astons.
3) The third thing about my father is that he was a man who kept his faith.
For example, for the whole week I would want to bring him out for movies, shopping or sight-seeing, but he would say, "No lah, I'm too tired."
But on Sundays, when we used to go church together for 2 months, if I were 5 minutes late to pick him up at the hospice, he would say: "Why so late?". He would already be changed.
And finally, when he was too ill to go church, he would tell me "Son, I'm very sorry that I can't attend church today." I told him it's okay, don't worry. Then I visited him in the evenings after church, he would question me "Did you go for your Bible Study? Did you go for Pastor Kee Onn's lessons?"
His Will To Live
Such was his will to live out the remaining days that touched me deeply in my heart as I walked with him throughout this journey.
In essence, he really taught me how to live with a really big heart.
Thank you Chong Ming, if I can choose a father again, I would choose you again.
I would also like to share a verse from the Bible with all of you.
From the Epistle to the Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."
Today, I stand before you a testimony of God. For Chong Ming and I, God really worked in our lives when we put our trust in Him.
Finally, from the Gospel of Luke 20:38,
Our Lord Jesus said " In the account of the bush, Moses showed that the dead rise, for he calls the Lord "The God of Abraham, the God of Issac, and the God of Moses. He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for all to Him are alive. "
Brothers and Sisters, the God of Chong Ming, the God of you and me is alive.
Our Brother Chong Ming is the arms of God now.
May God bless you all.
-Andy Chong, Son.
|
|
| A look at life and death |
[27 Jul 2009|04:24pm] |
Since last Saturday, my dad has been seriously ill. He is a constant state of pain, subconsiousness, and confused state of mind sometimes. Since last wednesday, I have been spending my days at Assisi Hospice too. I have almost became a permanent fixture there! I saw the nurses changing shifts daily, met different volunteers and people and even some of the staff there back from leave. No doubt, it has been a mentally tiring process for me as I became my Dad's caretaker day and night. I have done that before but this time it was different, as he is more ill.
A period which stretched my faith
Before my dad was this ill, I often have chats, we went out to the nearby roti prata shop to have teh tarik, went to Church every Sunday. Now however, things were different. He is often unresponsive, if not, not talking right(A couple of times he even wanted to go home). When I see him groaned in pain and in agony, it pains my heart too. It is physically impossible for me to share his pain. Seeing him go on morphine injections up to 4 times a day, makes me wonder if his frail and weak body can take it- especially without enough food and water. I told him not to worry, to have faith and trust in Jesus for His healing. I can only imagine when I'm in excruciating pain it would be hard for me in take the comforting words of others as I would be too in pain. I pray that Dad would be comforted.
About sufferings
I also wondered why God allowed suffering and pain for us. I think it is one of the greatest questions we want to know. In my devotion time, I am aptly at the Book of Job- one of the man which had great faith in God. He lost everything he had- his possessions, family and even health. But he refused to smear the name of God but instead he kept on to his faith. Looking back at Job, I know that most of us would not be like him having such strong faith. But there is one thing I know for sure, that God doesn't let people suffer without for a reason. After his ordeal, Job went up to heaven. I can only imagine how a wonderful place is it for us to go.
On grace
Of course, it is only through people with tremendous amount of grace that allow us to go on in life. People has been especially helpful- going out of their way to help me. From visiting almost daily like Pastor Kee Onn, or the Dr. Lim who sees my Dad first thing in the morning when she comes, I think such things acts are reminds me how gracious people can be. Even though at stretches of time when I'm often alone in the room with my Dad, I never felt lonely. I shall never fail to mention the wonderful superiors I have in the Army, when the whole bunch of them even visited me on Sunday, only a day after a gruelling day of NDP rehearsal on Saturday.
Just to conclude, the past week or so has been a life changing experience for me. A caretaker aside, I have seen so much of the meaning of life through people, in the face of my Dad's progessing illness. It may be a paradox but I would think one of the those periods of life I would look back and thank God for.
Andy,
from room 3F in Assisi Hospice, dated 27th July 2009, 1658Hrs.
|
|
| When all else fails |
[08 Jul 2009|02:33pm] |
I think one of the greatest defeating statements that a patient can hear is that his condition is no longer curable by any form of medical intervention, and the only eventuality is death. Thus the term is coined " terminal illness " for those suffering from incurable illness such as advanced cancer and HIV/AIDS. Governments in the world spend millions on cancer and HIV research and activitists too campaign on healthy lifestyles to prevent cancer and practising safe sex for HIV prevention. Guinea pigs and lab rats are used for this purpose and also such as the debate over stem cell research which is said could "use own cells to cure the bad ones". Certainly, I am thankful that most diseases that we are vulnerable are at least known and treatable to some extent.
When science fails
However advanced technology and medicine is now, there are cases that no medical logic or intervention could help the patient. You can undo the HIV virus in a patient, he is only sustainable but uncurable. Like in my Dad's case, he has went for surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy but his end-stage colon cancer, always seems to bounce back after each treatment, and even stronger each time. The good natured oncologist told us that we can only hope and see how it progresses. He then prescribed a generous amount of drugs for us. I guess they have their own ways, directly or indirectly of presenting the truth, but at the same time do not scare the patient. Likewise for the doctors here at Assisi Hospice, which specialises in palliative care. They are a comforting presence and their kind of medicine is focused on relieving pain and not cure.
Courage
At the same time, I can only admire the courage and will of my dad, who has been fighting this illness for two over years. I can only think of a phrase if I myself was given a specified amount of time to live- "The Day The Earth Stood Still", not like the Keanu Reeves show but literally. I would love to go parachuting like the two men(Jack Nicholsen and Morgan Freeman) did in The Bucket List but will I actually do that? Dad's kind of courage is not the usual one we associate with chivarly or bravery- akin to lion's one. But more like a those of a wounded animal- down but not out.
Hope
Reasoning would have failed, because my Dad was told that he had six months to live in mid 2007. He continued medication though but it is not enough to beat the disease. What sustains him I believe, is hope. The hope to see his son, the hope to live as a normal man, to hope to see the world. Although he has been resigned to dying (he has prepared and leaving his treasured possessions with me since end 2007), he is living like a man ready to move on. He had told the social worker that he wants to see me going into university. That will be August next year. That seems really long away but what is hope is all about, to dream about the impossible.
Jesus said in John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth and the life". Truly, Dad continued to live and believed and going strong. In this hope, I have worries and also comforted in the Good Shepherd who grants us peace and hope. This is something that no amount of reasoning and science cannot explain.
|
|
| The Power of Twitter |
[28 Jun 2009|11:53am] |
Time magazine reported a few weeks ago that Twitter is going the "next killer app" of the new Web 2.0 Internet age. If you don't know about Twitter, it is a free "micro-blogging" social networking that allows you send out "tweets" or little updates like those you have on Facebook, in 140 characters(like a typical sms) to other users, also known as followers. Although it isn't exactly a new concept, what Twitter offers is that it is totally free, and it allows to connect with your mobile devices, link up with other websites and find many users.
At first, I was still skeptical. Reading other people's updates with 140 characters or less? That is just too much information overload for me. I don't think I need to know what people are doing or thinking at that particular moment. For me, I still think sitting down and talking your hearts out with a friend over coffee is much more worthwhile than a few sentences on the internet. However, curiosity got the better of me. I signed for twitter, hooked up to my phone and even linked it to my facebook page.
Amazingly after one or two tweets, I discovered how the benefits how I can use Twitter to full use to my cause. Last Tuesday, after seeing and learning my Dad's cancer, after beaten down by Radiotherapy, has made a comeback and even greater this time. Looking at the photos firsthand from the doctor, I felt downcast and forlorn. I smsed on my phone and sent to Twitter. Within seconds, my Facebook status changed to
" Andy Chong found out that his Dad's tumour has grown again.. but he's leaving it in God's hands.. "6 comments followed by friends, regardless whether they're fellow Christians, expressed their care and concern with simple but encouraging words. Stay strong, take care, have faith and hope, no matter how cliche the words seems to be, I think they still mean alot to me. A friend in the same army unit as me even smsed me personally, encouraging me along my faith and hope in the Lord. I don't want to imagine a world which people can't even express these words- even in the Internet.
I think in our ever interconnected world, the paradox of not having real relationships with people. Can you really say all your 398 facebook friends or twitter followers are really "friends" or "acquantainces"? But through my perspective, it's an opportunity to reach out to 398 friends and let them what I am struggling or happy about. In the past, you never dreamt of it.
|
|
| The joy of being with children |
[01 May 2009|06:04pm] |
Yesterday, I visited Mrs Rebecca Yeo and her two children, Andrea(girl), who is Twelve and in Primary 6, and Andre, who is Eight and in Primary 2. Mr Yeo, their father, who was previously a patient beside my Dad's bed in Assisi Hospice, passed away more than a month ago. He was also my Dad's "best friend" in the hospice and the short time they had together at the hospice they forged a simple, yet memorable friendship.
Although I haven't interacted with them as much as I have with Mr Yeo, I feel an intricate bond with the family. I don't know how to explain it but it feels as if there is a link between me and them. Take my first meeting with Andre at the funeral for example- he clicked instantly with me and I feel it too. Maybe it's because I see myself in him almost a decade ago. I was as nonchalent as him about the passing on of one of our parents early in our lives. I remember myself, playing in the company of my other cousins and if I was sad, I would not show it to anybody.
Of course, there is much grief and pain in losing a loved one but from my past experience, I do not want another child to go through what I went through. That is why, I was really glad to see the children and their Mother coping well with their loss. I hope I would find time to take the children out and have fun with them.
I think this is really a God given opportunity for me. For the two years of taking care of my Dad's needs, I have been quite worn out by the repitition in life. From mugging everyday for 'A' levels, to working and relief teaching and currently in National Service, sometimes it can be really tiring.
Being in with Andre really can be quite tiring as well!! He would make me go through hundreds of pokemons with him, ask to remember names of robots, play board games half-way through, and show me his displays of Legos and other toys which some of which his dad made for him. The meticulous way a child arranges his toy, remember his cartoons and all the running around really inject a energy and vibrancy in life. Minor sibling quarrels and the way a mother looks at the cartoons and games her children play with interest reminds me of myself as I struggled to make adults understant what I was doing. And it wasn't that long ago!
It also helped to add colours to my life and live it with passion and energy. =)
|
|
| Salvation Mountain |
[20 Apr 2009|08:13pm] |
" I'm not exaggerating when I say that Salvation Mountain was the most impressive thing I've ever seen. The combination of scale (it's pretty huge), effort (it's made of giant bales of hay, and artificial trees cobbled together from telephone poles that are chained & have had rebar drilled through them, and mud, all of which is then doused in liberal coats of waterproof paint) & fervor (every square inch is a message from Jesus) is more impressive than, say, the Watts Towers or even a mainstream accomplishment like the Disney Hall in downtown L.A., as this project is all the work of one man, now 76 years old, working without electricity or running water way out in the desert, hundreds of miles from the nearest big city, and dozens of miles from the nearest small city. "
-rouseville, flickr user.
A massive artwork depicting the Cross at Golgotha.
A mobile house which is rich in work and bible verses. Reminds me of a place where Sunday School would be held =)
The Salvation Mountain Tractor Plough
Almost inch is filled with bible verses!
The best thing in the world!
|
|
| Passing away |
[26 Mar 2009|12:15am] |
Dad sent me a text message in mid afternoon, informing me that Mr Yeo, formerly his bed buddy in his ward, had passed away. I could sense that he was sad and did not foresee it coming, even if it took place in the hospice... Even though he knew Mr Yeo for slightly more than a month, he was very acquainted with Mr Yeo himself and his family. He was the first friend he had in Assisi Hospice and also the one who helped him settle down too. The first day Dad and I went to the hospice, we already met and knew him till this day.
First meeting
He would call me "Young man! Young man! Can help me go to the toilet?". I would go over and help him to the loo. Sometimes when the nurses were busy in other wards, I would try to see to his needs too. Likewise, he would orientate Dad and I about the hospice, about the food, the nurses, volunteers and the workings of it. This was especially helpful when you are strange in a new place and guidance from someone would be very helpful.
Birthday
Earlier this month, Mr Yeo celebrated his birthday in the ward too. Although I was not there to celebrate the cutting of cake with him, I heard from Dad that Mrs Yeo bought him a cake and Sister Mary even bought KFC as per his request! Dad of course was happy and said that he even got a drumstick. Even as I came later in the day, he kept 2 pieces of Ferraro Rocher chocolate and gave it to me. It may be a small gesture but it meant alot.
Food
Like Dad, Mr Yeo likes to enjoy good food too. That was probably why they got along very well too. I remember whenever I boughts snacks for Dad, he would ask me to pass some to Mr Yeo. On one occassion, I bought several packets of Mee Rebus from Adam Road for the uncles from the ward and Mr Yeo had one too. He gave me his signature "thumbs up" move which I would not forget..
This was the second death Dad has witnessed in the hospice, although this particularly one was more significant. Even as the nature of the passing on was a peaceful one, Dad was caught by surprise as he wanted to go visit Mr Yeo, who had been transfered to a single bedroom. I learnt from this episode that death, even if it is expected to happen, can still catch one by a tinge of surprise. Although there is little element of fear in this case(even for the family), the feeling of loss is an inevitable one. One cannot help to feel poignant and even melancholic about it..
Experience
As I went down to the wake with Ms Cheng Wan, the Medical Social Worker (MSW) from Assisi, we saw that the family is still coping well- especially the kids. I saw in the young boy's eyes a reflection of myself more than 10 years ago, when I lost my mother at a similar age. The nonchalence, innocence and cheerfulness, were like my own attitudes during that time. For myself, the loss and the grief came back to haunt me in my teenage years.. Of course, each person will take to their losses in a different way, but I hope the little boy would take time to understand the loss of a parent and time would heal his wounds.
|
|
| COLORECTAL CANCER AWARENESS MONTH 2009 |
[20 Mar 2009|11:36pm] |
|
As you may know, March is designated as the COLORECTAL CANCER AWARENESS MONTH 2009.A few important facts-
1) It is the top killing cancer in Singapore, with an average of 1,400 new diagnosis each month and 600 deaths per year .
2) It features among the top three cancers for both genders (Male and Female) and across the three Ethnic Groups (Chinese, Malay, Indian)
3) If discovered early (by a Coloncopy test) at the early stages, the chances of recovery are higher.
4) Although not scientifically proven, it is heavily suggested that diets are important factors.
Therefore, if you have parents above age 50, do encourage them to go for medical and cancer screenings. Help them to understand that going for a screen doesn't mean that they are not well but it is just a routine thing when people gets old. As the saying goes, prevention is better than cure.
For more details, go to http://www.nuhs.edu.sg/event.html.
Sharing My dad was diagnosed with Colorectal Cancer more than two years ago in 2007. When he found out that his stools contained blood and he experienced great discomfort, it was already too late. The doctor told him that he had stage IV of the cancer. That came as a great shock to a man who had just embarked to his second career in a private security firm. For the next year or so, there has been emotional ups and downs as I went through it together with him. As he said, he used to eat unhealthly, with his favourite hawker dishes and did not give a great attention to his health. IF he had gone for a routine checkup, he would have found out the cancer earlier and it would be curable.
Looking back at it, I would not have thought so much about cancer if it did not happen to one of my immediate family members. Therefore, we need to encourage our family members to lead a healthy lifestyle and go for routine checkups. The reality is that we can own many properties, much knowledge and power, but when we all become sick, no amount of money can reverse it.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
shadyz09's journal
