About life's little moments and thoughts

Photos Of Mum and Dad

2009-08-15T06:25:51Z

My Dad and I at Har Paw Villa.

My dad and mum, also at Har Paw Villa.

My parent's wedding in 1989. Look at the huge traditional wedding cake!

My parents at their wedding with relatives. I reckon it must be the happiest day of their lives.

My parents with my Grandpa, and 2 Aunties

Cutting the huge and big cake!

Where was I when they were getting married? Of course I was not even born yet. And yet when I look at their faces in the photos, I see happiness and pure joy. Sometimes I wish I had enough time to see their happy faces through my own eyes. My childhood memories fails me and I only get glimpses of images. Nonetheless, I need not rely too much on my memory as both of them lives in my heart. That's most important. And knowing that they are in the arms of Jesus and God comforts me and gives me peace- there's no better place than heaven! No more quarrelling, tears, pain, suffering. (Rev. 21:4). How wonderful that is!

How awfully short life is! I learnt to cherish my time because I had experienced sickness and accidents take my loved ones away. It reminds us that whatever we accumulate on earth we don't bring it into heaven- only our souls, and the deeds we have done- good or bad. That hesistation to meet up with a long lost friend or relative or failure to restore strained relationships may bring eventual regrets to us. Do we want to wait till the time when we're on our deathbeds, when it is too late? Personally, I am really really fortunate to spend 2 years with my Dad and seeing him through the last days of his life. It has been a humbling experience for me. As I relive the memories I had with my Dad, I hope you are inspired to make up with the people in your life. Because relationships are worth more than the riches of this world.

shadyz09 @ 2009-08-03T23:25:00

2009-08-03T15:25:44Z

Eulogy for Chong Ming dated 2nd August 2009

Introduction

Can the last person at the back hear me? Thanks. As all of you know, I'm going to be a teacher. So if I catch anyone sleeping, please stay back with me after the service. We'll have a 5 minutes chat.

Today, we're here to celebrate the life of Chong Ming. So can everyone please smile? Yah, please smile, if not it would be hard for me to talk.

Before I start, I would like to thank everyone who have helped my father, Chong Ming and I in this journey during the last days of his life.

Thanksgiving

1) Pastor Kee Onn and family, for being there for me; for their gracious arrangements for the funeral- especially with the inconveniences. Words cannot describe how much I thank and owe you all.

2) For everyone who had touched Uncle Chong Ming's life in everyway possible.

   i) Simple things really- Like driving him back to the hospice (Assisi Hospice) from Church (Woodlands EFC). I'm really so glad that people are willing to help. As you all know I took cab with my Dad to fetch him back to Church. When people started pouring forward with their help, I was so touched.

   ii) Talking to him in Cana Hall and praying for him when he was in Church. Especially my Cell Group. They have been wonderful.

      iii) Going out of their way to help us- I thank my church Woodlands Evangelical Free Church, my Army Unit 21SA and Assisi Home and Hospice, for giving him love and care during the last days of his life.

Childhood

Alright, let me start now.

What do you remember of your father when you were young? What are the memories or impressions you have on your father?

My father Chong Ming was a fatherly figure to me- someone I look for comfort and protection.
Every Sunday, I would remember, that he would bring me to MacDonald's for breakfast. He would order for me The Happy Meal, the Cheeseburger without pickles. And of course, the toy! I have alot of toys at home.

He would also bring me to watch movies at the Jurong East Entertainment Centre- yah it is still there. Remember there used to be dinosaurs hanging from the walls? We would watch my favourite movies- The Lion King, 101 Dalmatians and Jurassic Park. Yes Jurassic Park. All boys like to watch it. My father is like the Lion Simba to me.

The Missing Years

However, my impression of him slowly faded throughout the years, as we did not meet for 9 years. Like Barack Obama, who also had an absent father, we thought our fathers were very mysterious to us. Besides the MacDonald's' and the movies, I cannot remember much of him.

Unlike Obama, by the Grace of God, I was able to meet my father in 2007, but the time he was already diagnosed with stage IV Colon Cancer. That was the time though, when I learnt so much from him, and that's when he became a role model to me.

My Role Model

              1) Firstly, that was his courage to meet up with a long lost son. We are used to seeing fathers and sons reconciling in Channel 8 dramas, but I would never expect it to happen to myself. Thank God, I was able to forgive and accept him again. However, to think of it, it was harder on his part because he was already so sick and he still mustered the courage to initiate it. I thank God for his courage.

             2) My father really is a man of simple needs- as those who had contact with him can testify. In the movie "The Bucket List", Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholsen, when diagnosed with end-stage cancer, went to do all sort of things. They went to climb the Himalayan Mountains, sky diving and even six star hotels. But my father Chong Ming wanted none of these.

I remember when we were staying at East Coast Road, we used to try every food stall along the road. That road is a food paradise. Maybe I inhereited his genes of liking to taste good food!
I tell you I know which Katong Laksa stall is the nicest, Fish Head Curry, Nonya Kueh and even Astons.

             3) The third thing about my father is that he was a man who kept his faith.
For example, for the whole week I would want to bring him out for movies, shopping or sight-seeing, but he would say, "No lah, I'm too tired."

But on Sundays, when we used to go church together for 2 months, if I were 5 minutes late to pick him up at the hospice, he would say: "Why so late?". He would already be changed.

And finally, when he was too ill to go church, he would tell me "Son, I'm very sorry that I can't attend church today." I told him it's okay, don't worry. Then I visited him in the evenings after church, he would question me "Did you go for your Bible Study? Did you go for Pastor Kee Onn's lessons?"

His Will To Live

Such was his will to live out the remaining days that touched me deeply in my heart as I walked with him throughout this journey.

In essence, he really taught me how to live with a really big heart.

Thank you Chong Ming, if I can choose a father again, I would choose you again.

I would also like to share a verse from the Bible with all of you.

From the Epistle to the Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."

Today, I stand before you a testimony of God. For Chong Ming and I, God really worked in our lives when we put our trust in Him.

Finally, from the Gospel of Luke 20:38,

Our Lord Jesus said " In the account of the bush, Moses showed that the dead rise, for he calls the Lord "The God of Abraham, the God of Issac, and the God of Moses. He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for all to Him are alive. "

Brothers and Sisters, the God of Chong Ming, the God of you and me is alive.

Our Brother Chong Ming is the arms of God now.

May God bless you all.

-Andy Chong, Son.

A look at life and death

2009-07-27T08:58:56Z

Since last Saturday, my dad has been seriously ill. He is a constant state of pain, subconsiousness, and confused state of mind sometimes. Since last wednesday, I have been spending my days at Assisi Hospice too. I have almost became a permanent fixture there! I saw the nurses changing shifts daily, met different volunteers and people and even some of the staff there back from leave. No doubt, it has been a mentally tiring process for me as I became my Dad's caretaker day and night. I have done that before but this time it was different, as he is more ill.

A period which stretched my faith
Before my dad was this ill, I often have chats, we went out to the nearby roti prata shop to have teh tarik, went to Church every Sunday. Now however, things were different. He is often unresponsive, if not, not talking right(A couple of times he even wanted to go home). When I see him groaned in pain and in agony, it pains my heart too. It is physically impossible for me to share his pain. Seeing him go on morphine injections up to 4 times a day, makes me wonder if his frail and weak body can take it- especially without enough food and water. I told him not to worry, to have faith and trust in Jesus for His healing. I can only imagine when I'm in excruciating pain it would be hard for me in take the comforting words of others as I would be too in pain. I pray that Dad would be comforted.

About sufferings
I also wondered why God allowed suffering and pain for us. I think it is one of the greatest questions we want to know. In my devotion time, I am aptly at the Book of Job- one of the man which had great faith in God. He lost everything he had- his possessions, family and even health. But he refused to smear the name of God but instead he kept on to his faith. Looking back at Job, I know that most of us would not be like him having such strong faith. But there is one thing I know for sure, that God doesn't let people suffer without for a reason. After his ordeal, Job went up to heaven. I can only imagine how a wonderful place is it for us to go.

On grace
Of course, it is only through people with tremendous amount of grace that allow us to go on in life. People has been especially helpful- going out of their way to help me. From visiting almost daily like Pastor Kee Onn, or the Dr. Lim who sees my Dad first thing in the morning when she comes, I think such things acts are reminds me how gracious people can be. Even though at stretches of time when I'm often alone in the room with my Dad, I never felt lonely. I shall never fail to mention the wonderful superiors I have in the Army, when the whole bunch of them even visited me on Sunday, only a day after a gruelling day of NDP rehearsal on Saturday.

Just to conclude, the past week or so has been a life changing experience for me. A caretaker aside, I have seen so much of the meaning of life through people, in the face of my Dad's progessing illness. It may be a paradox but I would think one of the those periods of life I would look back and thank God for.

Andy,
from room 3F in Assisi Hospice, dated 27th July 2009, 1658Hrs.

When all else fails

2009-07-08T11:11:53Z

I think one of the greatest defeating statements that a patient can hear is that his condition is no longer curable by any form of medical intervention, and the only eventuality is death. Thus the term is coined " terminal illness " for those suffering from incurable illness such as advanced cancer and HIV/AIDS. Governments in the world spend millions on cancer and HIV research and activitists too campaign on healthy lifestyles to prevent cancer and practising safe sex for HIV prevention. Guinea pigs and lab rats are used for this purpose and also such as the debate over stem cell research which is said could "use own cells to cure the bad ones". Certainly, I am thankful that most diseases that we are vulnerable are at least known and treatable to some extent.

When science fails
However advanced technology and medicine is now, there are cases that no medical logic or intervention could help the patient. You can undo the HIV virus in a patient, he is only sustainable but uncurable. Like in my Dad's case, he has went for surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy but his end-stage colon cancer, always seems to bounce back after each treatment, and even stronger each time. The good natured oncologist told us that we can only hope and see how it progresses. He then prescribed a generous amount of drugs for us. I guess they have their own ways, directly or indirectly of presenting the truth, but at the same time do not scare the patient. Likewise for the doctors here at Assisi Hospice, which specialises in palliative care. They are a comforting presence and their kind of medicine is focused on relieving pain and not cure.

Courage
At the same time, I can only admire the courage and will of my dad, who has been fighting this illness for two over years. I can only think of a phrase if I myself was given a specified amount of time to live- "The Day The Earth Stood Still", not like the Keanu Reeves show but literally. I would love to go parachuting like the two men(Jack Nicholsen and Morgan Freeman) did in The Bucket List but will I actually do that? Dad's kind of courage is not the usual one we associate with chivarly or bravery- akin to lion's one. But more like a those of a wounded animal- down but not out.

Hope
Reasoning would have failed, because my Dad was told that he had six months to live in mid 2007. He continued medication though but it is not enough to beat the disease. What sustains him I believe, is hope. The hope to see his son, the hope to live as a normal man, to hope to see the world. Although he has been resigned to dying (he has prepared and leaving his treasured possessions with me since end 2007), he is living like a man ready to move on. He had told the social worker that he wants to see me going into university. That will be August next year. That seems really long away but what is hope is all about, to dream about the impossible.

Jesus said in John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth and the life". Truly, Dad continued to live and believed and going strong. In this hope, I have worries and also comforted in the Good Shepherd who grants us peace and hope. This is something that no amount of reasoning and science cannot explain.

The Power of Twitter

2009-06-28T04:36:39Z

Time magazine reported a few weeks ago that Twitter is going the "next killer app" of the new Web 2.0 Internet age. If you don't know about Twitter, it is a free "micro-blogging" social networking that allows you send out "tweets" or little updates like those you have on Facebook, in 140 characters(like a typical sms) to other users, also known as followers. Although it isn't exactly a new concept, what Twitter offers is that it is totally free, and it allows to connect with your mobile devices, link up with other websites and find many users.

At first, I was still skeptical. Reading other people's updates with 140 characters or less? That is just too much information overload for me. I don't think I need to know what people are doing or thinking at that particular moment. For me, I still think sitting down and talking your hearts out with a friend over coffee is much more worthwhile than a few sentences on the internet. However, curiosity got the better of me. I signed for twitter, hooked up to my phone and even linked it to my facebook page.

Amazingly after one or two tweets, I discovered how the benefits how I can use Twitter to full use to my cause. Last Tuesday, after seeing and learning my Dad's cancer, after beaten down by Radiotherapy, has made a comeback and even greater this time. Looking at the photos firsthand from the doctor, I felt downcast and forlorn. I smsed on my phone and sent to Twitter. Within seconds, my Facebook status changed to
"

Andy Chong found out that his Dad's tumour has grown again.. but he's leaving it in God's hands.. "

6 comments followed by friends, regardless whether they're fellow Christians, expressed their care and concern with simple but encouraging words. Stay strong, take care, have faith and hope, no matter how cliche the words seems to be, I think they still mean alot to me. A friend in the same army unit as me even smsed me personally, encouraging me along my faith and hope in the Lord. I don't want to imagine a world which people can't even express these words- even in the Internet.

I think in our ever interconnected world, the paradox of not having real relationships with people. Can you really say all your 398 facebook friends or twitter followers are really "friends" or "acquantainces"? But through my perspective, it's an opportunity to reach out to 398 friends and let them what I am struggling or happy about. In the past, you never dreamt of it.

The joy of being with children

2009-05-01T10:52:26Z

Yesterday, I visited Mrs Rebecca Yeo and her two children, Andrea(girl), who is Twelve and in Primary 6, and Andre, who is Eight and in Primary 2. Mr Yeo, their father, who was previously a patient beside my Dad's bed in Assisi Hospice, passed away more than a month ago. He was also my Dad's "best friend" in the hospice and the short time they had together at the hospice they forged a simple, yet memorable friendship.

Although I haven't interacted with them as much as I have with Mr Yeo, I feel an intricate bond with the family. I don't know how to explain it but it feels as if there is a link between me and them. Take my first meeting with Andre at the funeral for example- he clicked instantly with me and I feel it too. Maybe it's because I see myself in him almost a decade ago. I was as nonchalent as him about the passing on of one of our parents early in our lives. I remember myself, playing in the company of my other cousins and if I was sad, I would not show it to anybody.

Of course, there is much grief and pain in losing a loved one but from my past experience, I do not want another child to go through what I went through. That is why, I was really glad to see the children and their Mother coping well with their loss. I hope I would find time to take the children out and have fun with them.

I think this is really a God given opportunity for me. For the two years of taking care of my Dad's needs, I have been quite worn out by the repitition in life. From mugging everyday for 'A' levels, to working and relief teaching and currently in National Service, sometimes it can be really tiring.

Being in with Andre really can be quite tiring as well!! He would make me go through hundreds of pokemons with him, ask to remember names of robots, play board games half-way through, and show me his displays of Legos and other toys which some of which his dad made for him. The meticulous way a child arranges his toy, remember his cartoons and all the running around really inject a energy and vibrancy in life. Minor sibling quarrels and the way a mother looks at the cartoons and games her children play with interest reminds me of myself as I struggled to make adults understant what I was doing. And it wasn't that long ago!

It also helped to add colours to my life and live it with passion and energy. =)

Salvation Mountain

2009-04-20T12:37:12Z

" I'm not exaggerating when I say that Salvation Mountain was the most impressive thing I've ever seen. The combination of scale (it's pretty huge), effort (it's made of giant bales of hay, and artificial trees cobbled together from telephone poles that are chained & have had rebar drilled through them, and mud, all of which is then doused in liberal coats of waterproof paint) & fervor (every square inch is a message from Jesus) is more impressive than, say, the Watts Towers or even a mainstream accomplishment like the Disney Hall in downtown L.A., as this project is all the work of one man, now 76 years old, working without electricity or running water way out in the desert, hundreds of miles from the nearest big city, and dozens of miles from the nearest small city. "
-rouseville, flickr user.

A massive artwork depicting the Cross at Golgotha.

A mobile house which is rich in work and bible verses. Reminds me of a place where Sunday School would be held =)

The Salvation Mountain Tractor Plough

Almost inch is filled with bible verses!

The best thing in the world!

Nostalgic memories~

2009-04-03T16:00:58Z

As they say "A photo speaks a thousand words". Indeed it does and it brings back flashes and waves of memories which are nostalgic and precious to the heart.

I was really happy to uncover these photos which meant so much to me.. And also to my Dad and I as they provide the missing link to the years we missed out together. Whereas for my late mum, seeing her reminds of the love and care I had missed out in all these years. It reminds too me that she was and is my pillar of my strength whenever I needed her.

THREE GENERATIONS

Me (left), my Father and my late Grandfather at the now defunct Har Paw Villa(a popular Place of Interest then)

A FATHER'S SON

My father and I, when I was a year old. Look at the way he carried me and the way he looked.. The body language says he's proud to be a father. 20 years later, we would reverse role and I would say I'm proud to be his son..

WEDDING DINNER

My parents' wedding dinner, which was held at least 20 years ago. My late grandfather(right), looking at his best. It was the first time I actually came across my parents' wedding photos as far I can remember. Looking at their heydays and the happiest day of their lives makes me feel really happy too.

WEDDING DINNER

My parents, pouring champagne down a series of glasses formed in a ritual in a traditional Chinese wedding.

FAMILY OUTING AT CHINESE GARDEN

MY MUM AND I AT HAR PAW VILLA

I can't remember why I was crying but anyway my mother being the tough women she still carried me..

Passing away

2009-03-25T16:55:51Z

Dad sent me a text message in mid afternoon, informing me that Mr Yeo, formerly his bed buddy in his ward, had passed away. I could sense that he was sad and did not foresee it coming, even if it took place in the hospice... Even though he knew Mr Yeo for slightly more than a month, he was very acquainted with Mr Yeo himself and his family. He was the first friend he had in Assisi Hospice and also the one who helped him settle down too. The first day Dad and I went to the hospice, we already met and knew him till this day.

First meeting
He would call me "Young man! Young man! Can help me go to the toilet?". I would go over and help him to the loo. Sometimes when the nurses were busy in other wards, I would try to see to his needs too. Likewise, he would orientate Dad and I about the hospice, about the food, the nurses, volunteers and the workings of it. This was especially helpful when you are strange in a new place and guidance from someone would be very helpful.

Birthday
Earlier this month, Mr Yeo celebrated his birthday in the ward too. Although I was not there to celebrate the cutting of cake with him, I heard from Dad that Mrs Yeo bought him a cake and Sister Mary even bought KFC as per his request! Dad of course was happy and said that he even got a drumstick. Even as I came later in the day, he kept 2 pieces of Ferraro Rocher chocolate and gave it to me. It may be a small gesture but it meant alot.

Food
Like Dad, Mr Yeo likes to enjoy good food too. That was probably why they got along very well too. I remember whenever I boughts snacks for Dad, he would ask me to pass some to Mr Yeo. On one occassion, I bought several packets of Mee Rebus from Adam Road for the uncles from the ward and Mr Yeo had one too. He gave me his signature "thumbs up" move which I would not forget..

This was the second death Dad has witnessed in the hospice, although this particularly one was more significant. Even as the nature of the passing on was a peaceful one, Dad was caught by surprise as he wanted to go visit Mr Yeo, who had been transfered to a single bedroom. I learnt from this episode that death, even if it is expected to happen, can still catch one by a tinge of surprise. Although there is little element of fear in this case(even for the family), the feeling of loss is an inevitable one. One cannot help to feel poignant and even melancholic about it..

Experience
As I went down to the wake with Ms Cheng Wan, the Medical Social Worker (MSW) from Assisi, we saw that the family is still coping well- especially the kids. I saw in the young boy's eyes a reflection of myself more than 10 years ago, when I lost my mother at a similar age. The nonchalence, innocence and cheerfulness, were like my own attitudes during that time. For myself, the loss and the grief came back to haunt me in my teenage years.. Of course, each person will take to their losses in a different way, but I hope the little boy would take time to understand the loss of a parent and time would heal his wounds.

COLORECTAL CANCER AWARENESS MONTH 2009

2009-03-20T16:03:32Z

As you may know,

March is designated as the

COLORECTAL CANCER AWARENESS MONTH 2009.

A few important facts-

1) It is the top killing cancer in Singapore, with an average of 1,400 new diagnosis each month and 600 deaths per year .
2) It features among the top three cancers for both genders (Male and Female) and across the three Ethnic Groups (Chinese, Malay, Indian)
3) If discovered early (by a Coloncopy test) at the early stages, the chances of recovery are higher.
4) Although not scientifically proven, it is heavily suggested that diets are important factors.

Therefore, if you have parents above age 50, do encourage them to go for medical and cancer screenings. Help them to understand that going for a screen doesn't mean that they are not well but it is just a routine thing when people gets old. As the saying goes, prevention is better than cure.

For more details, go to http://www.nuhs.edu.sg/event.html.

Sharing

My dad was diagnosed with Colorectal Cancer more than two years ago in 2007. When he found out that his stools contained blood and he experienced great discomfort, it was already too late. The doctor told him that he had stage IV of the cancer. That came as a great shock to a man who had just embarked to his second career in a private security firm. For the next year or so, there has been emotional ups and downs as I went through it together with him. As he said, he used to eat unhealthly, with his favourite hawker dishes and did not give a great attention to his health. IF he had gone for a routine checkup, he would have found out the cancer earlier and it would be curable.

Looking back at it, I would not have thought so much about cancer if it did not happen to one of my immediate family members. Therefore, we need to encourage our family members to lead a healthy lifestyle and go for routine checkups. The reality is that we can own many properties, much knowledge and power, but when we all become sick, no amount of money can reverse it.

Of life and death..

2009-03-07T13:40:24Z

Sometimes, I really admire the people who chose to work at a hospice, the dedicated doctors and nurses who face death constantly in the line of their work. In other departments of medical care, at least they do focus on the curing and treatment of the patients. Unlike palliative care, the focus is on the pain management, psychological, social and quality of life of the individual patient. They make life of patients as comfortable as it is before the eventuality of death. To me, especially of the relative of a dying patient, it is truly a noble cause. Especially when one's days are numbered, they would want to live it fully and as meaningful as possible.

Last sunday, the patient beside my Dad, whom we informally call Uncle John, had his wife and young child present me. At the first sight, of his young wife and boy whom he is going to leave behind, I was choked with emotions. Beside my smile to his wife, inside me I was stirring. His wife and child really reminded me of my own memories- me and my late mother almost 10 years ago. She wearing the office attire, in her late 30s and working to support the family, and the boy still in primary school reflects uncannily days of my childhood. For John, to leave behind the two of them, one can't help but to shed a tear or two. And I did, in solitude and away from human presence.

Just on Wednesday, a new patient moved beside my dad's right(John is on his left). He was noticeably in very weak condition, on nasogastric tube(meaning he had to be fed on through the tube and in liquid form), had a urine bag attached to him and very bedridden. He couldn't speak a word and mementarily I could only hear wheezes, possible of him trying to speak or having difficulties breathing. In his concious state, I wonder if he wants to break free of his physical body which imprisons him. I think when the Lord heard his prayers because on the day itself, according to my dad, he passed away peacefully on midnight. I was mildly shocked to hear that, because I did not visit just for a day... The quickness and yet uncertainty of death never fails to take me by surprised. Staring at the empty bed, my Dad lamented about nlife and death in general to the housekeeper. Soon, another patient would soon take the place...

It forces me into restropect.. on the shortness and beauty of life. And also on the other extremes of pain and suffering. One may wonder about the conflicts of both ends but i feel the final equation, which is death, resolves everything.

My first few days in Assisi Hospice

2009-02-28T17:05:12Z

Prior to my Dad's admittance into Assisi Hospice, I had actually "recced" the place with Mr Eddie Koh, whom was familiar with the place, having being a volunteer last time. God willing, my Dad was admitted into the hospice on Friday, almost 2 months I have mooted the idea to him. I had almost given up hope, with the initial resistance and stigma of hospice stay.

I think that one really have to visit a hospice to quell whatever stigmas they have in their mind. I'm not surprised that some people don't know what's a hospice even. Well, actually a hospice is a place which terminally ill patients, are being provided the best care, or Palliative Care, to help them manage their pain. Yes true, people do die there, (as do hospitals!) but the main difference is that they do not try to revive the person during emergencies, opting the easier path of letting them die peacefully.

The hospice also has nurses, doctors, Sisters, social workers to provide whatever care the patient needs- Medical, Social and Spiritual. The environment and atmosphere there also gives you a calming and spiritual feel. Being a Catholic based hospice, there are Christian paintings, scrultures, drawings and a New Testament Bible on every patient's bed. Of course, patients of all races and religion are accepted there and this is a traditional feature of Christian outreach.

Initially, I had a mild shock when I saw the patient next to my dad. He was incredibly thin and bald too. My conjecture is it is due to the side effects of chemotherapy. But that doesn't mean I'm scared or what. Within hours, I had already spoken to him and he had helped me familarised with the place. John, which is a name he adopts there, would hold my hand whenever he needs to go to the toilet. I'm not surprised by me helping him, but instead of him willing to be helped by me. When you have to rely on people to for your basic needs like going to toilet, it needs alot of courage to confront the reality and in the hospice we see that in patients.

Death, is often seen as dark, eerie, scary and people do not want to confront it. But here, when death is imminent and unavoidable, you do not get a feeling of it, strangely. It is through, death when you see grace, salvation and truly, the meaning of life.

Hospital stay turns out to be a blessing =)

2009-02-22T16:08:50Z

Dad was admitted into Singapore General Hospital since monday and he seemed to be happier than before. Although there was the initial fears of lack of freedom and the usual stigma associated with hospitals, I see that he was finally receptive of treatment and in a better spirits. The nurses, doctors and social workers have all been encouraging with him, and I really notice the change in him. The difference can be described in one word- HOPE.

Hope is what many patients live on. I read from Time magazine that some patients actually got better when they believed strongly in a pill, which actually is medically useless, and they really got better until their doctors reveal the truth to them. Similarly, Dad was actually doubting the effectiveness of medical treatment, when he was diagnosed in the later stages of colon cancer. Like many other patients, denial was a common response. When he finally went back to treatment, I see a brave man who is facing his demons with bravo and courage.

In the following days, his mood improved. He was nice and really comfortable. I sensed no fear, hopelessness or destitute in this person that I am talking to. Instead, it seems that he was renewed in strength. When people visited him, he would engage them in conversations, intrigued by their work or anecdotes. He would tell Eunice about his career in the Police Force, or ask Guo Hua about Nursing. We would also talk about everything under the sky- Manchester United, to Malaysian Politics and the fussy patient next bed. Who says a cancer patient can't live a meaningful life?

Seen by Dr. Lee Wei Ling
My talk with Dad has been much fruitful and full of revelations. He told me when I was before one year old, then in 1990, I was actually seen by Dr. Lee Wei Ling for childhood asthma! He even commented that she was really a nice lady during my course of treatment. Of course, I may never get to see her in person but one day, I shall thank her, for treating a baby, 19 years ago..

Playing with fire

2009-02-15T08:06:10Z

I'm sure you would have heard of the deadly Australian Bushfires which are the biggest and deadliest in at least 50 years. The death tolls really saddened me because it is an event which you would not expect casulties- as opposed to a war, suicide bombing or natural disaster. Perhaps, I may even say, it is one of the more underrated or underestimated natural disaster around. It is perhaps complanceny that lead to this mishap just like the Asian Tsunami in 2004 or Hurricane Katrina.

When we were young, our parents warned us sternly not to ever play with fire. Fire, the intriguing and yet dangerous element, became our "play tool". During the Mid-Autumn festival, as kids, we would light up candles and stick them all around the void deck. It is indeed a beautiful sight. When our laterns caught fire and go up in flames, we would lament and our parents would console us and promise to buy a new one.
I myself, of course had been burnt before. It is a painful lesson because you get watery blisters which would stay for a week or so. But yet, the easy access to a simple fire making tool like matchstick is very dangerous to a curious mind.

Fire is also used as weapons known popularly as the Flamethrower. It is used in the World War II, Korean War and Vietnam War. As a Combat Medic, I think the worse way to die in war is to be burnt by this weapon.

Perhaps the arsonists would not expect a spark of fire to consume hectares of forests, destroying properties, killing lives and wildlive. There is no limitations to what fire can do. That is why the Bible describe Hell as a furnace, burning with fire.

This morning, perhaps out of stupidity and curiousity, I decided to get ride of the fallen leaves in my backyard which are not accessible by fire. I lighted a matchstick, threw it near a piece of leave. Within seconds, with the aid of the wind, the surrounding leaves caught fire and smoke starting to rise rapidly. Luckily for me, the toilet is just steps away. Full of panic and fear, I flushed the leaves with water to put out the growing fire. By then, the smoke was already rising. I could have been labelled an arsonist any later should the fire and smoke grew. When the smoke and fire was put out, I heaped relief at this little ordeal in the morning. I was 'burnt' and learnt my lesson.

Morale of story- Don't reward your curiousity with fire.

Jennifer Hudson's American Anthem

2009-02-07T14:30:28Z

It's hard to believe that this is a woman who had lost 3 family members to brutal killings just last november. She's a testament that no matter what trials we have one should rise up against it..

NS Talk..

2009-02-02T14:31:00Z

Over the Chinese New Year period, I visited quite a few of relatives' houses. Among some of the popular questions that people would ask you-

1) What are you doing now?
2) Do you have a girlfriend?
3) How is your dad doing?

Of course as follow to "What are you doing now"- You're in the Army? Are you an Officer or Seargent?
My response- "Well, I'm a Combat Medic actually."

To adults not too far from my generation- One response was "Whoa, it's quite tiring right. Carrying the stretcher and Medical Orderly Pouch"
"Well, actually Artillery troops are vehicle bound." *Laughters* That's really lucky haha"

Another response from a fellow contemporary in NS who happens in one of the toughest unit was more straightforward "Aiyah, you're only a Private. I knock you down(asking you to do push ups) then you know

Another medic just asked me today "How come you're a medic? Why are you not in SISPEC or OCS (the training schools for Specialists and Officers)."

Why I am not a Sgt or Officer
The admission is that I have not passed my IPPT in my BMT. Perhaps, I always felt it was a pity- because I failed only a station and one normally people would not fail- Standing Broad Jump. I have jumped so many attempts but to no avail. It's reality, sometimes you fall short of your dreams. I wanted to be an officer to make my Dad proud(but I was not that fit) and at least wanted to make it as a specialist. When I didn't and end up at the bottom of the ranks, I was undenialbly upset. There was no pride being a Seargent to others, let say a Private or Corporal.

But contrary to what people believe, I enjoy what I am doing. I learn life skills like First Aid, how to work with all kinds of people- 'N' , 'O' Levels or whatever. Deal with all kinds of ranks- Captain(Dr.) Jimmy, my Medical Officer and even meeting my CO Lieutenant Cononel Dinesh face to face monthly for signing reports. And yet true enough, there are bad days when people curses you when you missed their vein. Well, that's life for a medic. Or somedays you would think whether someone would collapse and sent to you for On Scene Treatment.

Proud
I finally realised my pride in being Medic when my Dad's nurse told me that my Dad was proud of what I am doing. To a sick person, a healthcare worker is his best friend. Likewise in my case, I have learnt alot to be caregiver for him. That is not something I might have achieved being a Rifleman or other vocations possibly. I also realised that the long connections in my family, my 2 uncles were Combat Medics and likewise my late foster Dad were uncanny.

Just like the slogan we have- Medics- Bloody Proud.

Fifi

2009-01-31T23:30:30Z

Fifi, originally uploaded by shadyz09.

The first official photo of the resident dog!

Man's Best Friend

2009-01-24T12:20:51Z

I love the dog, Fifi, a 6 year old Yorktese, at home. It just reminds me of my previous dog, Alpha, a Jack Russell Terrier. The traits in them are so common, they jump unto you when you come home, go in frenzy and jumping off sofas. They bark when they hear the slightest of noise.

I still remember how Alpha used to cuddle beside me to sleep, and so does Fifi. How they just roll on their backs on fours when you tickle them. One trait common in all dogs is seen especially when you bring them out for a walk, how they sniff the grass, examine the walls, finding a spot to poo and marking their territory by urinating. It just brings back fond memories of Alpha, wherever it is, I hope you are doing well.

It was a surprisingly painless experience to part with Alpha. I was sixteen, fresh after 'O' levels, and going into my first job. I was a cash handler at Cisco and worked the graveyard shifts. I moved to my auntie's house and never seen Alpha for months. After my uncle got married, his wife came to dislike Alpha, for he could be quite distracting when visitors come. It got worse when she was expecting and soon Alpha was to be shipped out. I can't remember when I last saw Alpha but I do remember holding it in my hands when it was 3 months old, running with it, feeding it, and sleeping with it.

Fifi had just brought a new dimension to my life. My dad's spirit is especially lifted with it around(it has been proven by studies) and he loves it. A pet sometimes can do wonders and provide great companionship.

Just like this homeless man whom all he has is a dog. In the movie I Am Legend, Will Smith's character also coped with lonliness with his pet dog when everyone in the city was zombified. You can tell how much he loved that dog when it was savaged by the zombified dogs.

In our lonely times, pets provide the most tangible uncoditional companionship next to Humans. In my opinion, they could well as spiritual beings like us as they are part of Creation too. No wonder President Obama had a hard time finding the right dogs for his daughters.

Football and Inauguration

2009-01-18T14:21:35Z

Kaka, wearing his famous shirt saying, "I Belong To Jesus"

Just last week, rumours had it that Kaka, the 2007 FIFA World Player of the year, was the subject of a 107Million Pounds transfer deal by Manchester City, at the same time, offering him an amazing 500K Pounds per week wages. That's almost equilvalent to 1.5Million Singapore Dollars per week. Imagine buying a Condominium/Ferrari every week!!

Our initial response was that my image of Kaka, who is immensely talented, devout Evangelical Christian who publicly professes his faith and uses his celebrity status to do good. He is a role model to millions of Brazilian Youngsters who are living in poverty. Would he be so greedy to move to Man City for the money? I was wrong. Today's Sunday Times article "This Man Has No Vices" quoted him that he was contemplating the move, because he wanted to use the money to do good. If he gives a substantial amount of money to charities, significant number of people would benefit just because of him. Incredible.

1) People lifted out of poverty.
2) Children receiving education
3) People getting healthcare
4) Churches are being built

These are just some of the possibilities I can think of.

From a non-football perception, I would definitely want him to move. (Even if it means Man Utd's rivals just got stronger.)

On Obama's Inauguration on 20th Jan, I'm just too excited about that day. As Global Citizens, we ought to be much concerned about the Most Powerful Man in the world, literally. The financial crisis, the two wars, climate change all needs his iniatives. Although he's not really like Jesus Christ, but he represents change and hope to an otherwise weary and beleagued USA.

Speaking of the White House, just like President Obama has his own Chief-of-Staff, my Dad has me too. A Chief-of-Staff is basically the President's Chief Adminstrator in layman terms. For me, my job can be quite taxing and complex.

1) I am the Chief Housekeeper of our House, which can be called the Bachelor's Pad (BP). In which, I get a maid to come, replenish groceries and fix any damages(if there is any)

2) I am his spokesman. After consulting with him on certain matters, sometimes I help him to convey the matter. If not, I help to faciliate it.

3) I am also his Religious Affairs Representative. I help to arrange my pastors and friends to come over so that he may have his spiritual needs met.

We also just got a Brown Yorktese recently and it has been keeping his spirits up It looks very similar to this dog-

Well I'm really a great lover of dog. Man's best friend is really a great companion, especially to a cancer patient like Dad. I hope it stays and not leave because it was found on the streets. But look, Obama hasn't got his dog in the white house and I'm a step ahead over here at BP. *Winks*

Gaza Crisis

2009-01-15T14:02:50Z

This advertisement was published by Avaaz.org urging the International Community, and Israel's main backers- United States, to push for a ceasefire.

Love of History
The main reason I want to pursue History as a major in University is because of the relevancy and its tenderness to repeat itself as the famous saying suggests. I remember pouring through notes about the Arab-Israeli Conflict, reading books, watching videos about the six-decade conflict. When I was in year two of JC, History also unfolded in the form of the Lebanese-Israeli War of 2006. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thrilled by the countless fighting and bloodshed, but its the politicking and impasse of the United Nations which gets my attention.

No Just War
As a trained Combat Medic, I know how hard it is to save lives in the battlefield. You have to look out for the surroundings(because you can't die yourself), be calm in the face of massive blood, urgan spillings, losses of limps. You hurrily set an IV drip(which must be a success) and use brute physical strength to send the casulty to higher Medical Echeleons.

With just one effective hospital in Gaza, and with severe lack of equipments, many are left to die in Gaza. Children and Women are dying by the hundreds. Today, it is reported that Gazans are stuggling to find even spaces to bury their dead. That is when you find yourself in deep thought, that all those weaponery like F-16s, Apaches, Self-Propelled Howitzers are really lethal and deadly weapons. When Iron-Man Tony Stark realises that his Stark Industries Weapons are responsible for so many losses of lives, he was devastated and determined to change it. I hope those people who are in the industry realises it too.

In 1960, President Dwight Eisenhower warned the USA "we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, Military-Industrial Complex" by the in his last speech as President. Today, when we see high tech weapons pounding and killing Gazans, indeed his words were wise till now.

Ning Xiang's Birthday

2009-01-12T12:22:18Z

ningxiang2, originally uploaded by shadyz09.

Our dear Ning Xiang, just turned 18 on the 30th of dec(I think) in 2008. Here, he acts fierce and little Samuel hugs him close. In the background, Daniel was eating something I think.

Friendship

2009-01-10T13:44:09Z

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.- C.S Lewis

Ever since I moved in with Dad, people had been visiting my Dad and I, bringing them concern, love and care. Yesterday night, Pastor Mike and Jenny, my mentor from Wesley Methodist Church came over to speak to Dad.. Dad shared with them how he did not managed to attend church and why he did not want to trouble his cell group members to visit him. While speaking, tears welled up in his eyes and started to roll down. At that moment, I can sensed how much he wanted to seek sprituality and also the emptiness coupled by all these months of absence.

It was the second time I saw him cried... As a son when your father cries, it is very a poignant moment. And yet, at that moment, I was not yet emotionally stirred so I did not weep. Meanwhile Jenny's eyes were already turning red. After sharing, we sang the hymn "Emmanuel" and prayed for Dad. It was the first time I pray for Dad with my hands on him.

Today, Mr Eddie Koh, my former teacher in Pioneer and my long-time confidante came by too. It was a pity he didn't manage to meet Dad because he was asleep. But he was really one of the most thoughful friends I have.. He brought a pot of plant with him, Essence of Chicken, Organic Tea Bags, a Christian book, Star Wars Toys.. I was just overwhelmed.. But yet I was glad to have him around. Our friendship starts from the interesting encounters we have in J1s in GP class, to his one-year time in Melbourne, my post Pioneer days which includes now.

Our friendship lasts not because we share so much interests in common- our love for Starwars, films, nature, our Christian faith or organic food but because it goes beyond the surface. Frankly speaking, just like any one of us, I have alot of friends but what is the true definition of friend? Most of the people I know I would say they're aquantainces instead, because we often fall out of touch. To me, I prefer to have a close knit of friends who know each other well and understand each other's differences and problems.

And yet, I feeling an inner sense of guilt because I was not being to be with my friends when they need me now.. Like Regina who came back from perth but I did not manage to meet her.. Well, I admit I feel sad not being able to go out like other teenagers. But I've also accepted the role and responsibility as a son to care for my Dad who is ill.. Hopefully it'll define my character in the later stages of my life..

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

2009-01-05T14:55:27Z

I have always wanted to catch this movie since it came in 2007 but it was at a time I was frantically studying for the 'A' Levels. So after so long, I still remembered this funny title and I watched it over the weekend. And to date, it is one of the best movie I have seen so far. It stirs me so much, that I even borrowed the book from the library.

Just a rough plot of the memoir/movie. Jean-Dominque Bauby, Editor-in-chief of Elle, was of course living the high life. Until one day in 1997, he got a massive stroke out of the sudden. He was in coma for 20 days until he woke up, perfectly concious, to feel that he is mute, half deaf, and have no control of his 4 limbs. It's called the Locked-In-Syndrome, in layman term your "Soul" is trapped inside a body.

With his right eye stitched up to prevent infection, Bauby, effectively sees throught the world through his left eye. And through blinking, he communicate to people, Alphabet by Alphabet. Diving bell or a diving suit, is an expression for him to release himself from his body. Butterfly means letting himself free,, using his vivid imagination. He travels to other parts of the world in his mind, have a good meal with his girlfriend and revisits the past.

And the best part is, he wrote a book, Alphabet by Alphabet, through a writer who records its down. If I were him, I think I would rot and die. His indominable spirit and will made me realised one thing- that we must cherish life no matter what circumstances that we are in. Go, read the book and watch the movie. =)

Grace

2009-01-01T12:58:43Z

Transition to a new year.

2009-01-01T12:18:22Z

2008 was really a busy year for me, surprisingly when I finished college and have no academic commitments.

1) I was relief teaching at Pioneer JC, which was a wonderful experience.
2) I got baptised in the name of Jesus Christ, which was a huge step in my fledging Christian faith.
3) I received my 'A' Level results, which was not too bad.
4) I applied for the MOE Local Teaching Scholarship and am on course to pursue it.
5) I enlisted in the Army, became a medic, and survived more than 10 pokes on the arms.
6) I moved in to take care of my Dad, which condition has not been too well lately.
7) I gave up the highly anticipated trip to New Zealand for Exercise Thunder Warrior.
8) I renewed my convenant and faith with the Lord at Wesley Methodist Church just before the year 2008 ended.

Sometimes, when we look back on the milestones in our lives, it is not just a reminder of our achievements, it is also an acknowledgment of the blessings we receive in our lives. Of course, there are plently of unpleasant events, people whom you disliked, down times but we should put back all these behind us.

Also spent the midnight with my Cell Group for a time of sharing and fun. When we get together, we can just be ourselves and put behind all the unhappy events that we may have in our lives. I just want to thank God for all of them, and friends and families whom had helped in one way or the other when I'm going through a tough time.

Just rounding up the year, I have really learnt alot of new experiences. From teaching a class of 20, to having military exercises in a jungle with people I've known for only weeks, to leading a small group Bible Study, to being scolded vulgarity in the army, to cooking up a meal for my dad, to cleaning up wounds and bandaging it up for a soldier, to committing my faith- I am really glad for what I've achieved this year. Of course, some days are more normal than the others, but I have learnt to appreciate to slow down the fast paced life we have been living in.

I pray for more opportunities to learn and continue to grow as the year approach. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.